you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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