Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
