I hate your face
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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