when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Randomize
