Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Randomize
