If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Randomize
