Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
So drunk its hurt
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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