She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize
