He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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