I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
