My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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