jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
