i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
