You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
