And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Randomize
