everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
