In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
