She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
