Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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