just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
