i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
