Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
