I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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