I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
