Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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