I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
