Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
