That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
