Don't you send me to vm
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
