you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
