I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
