Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
