I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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