we have pet lesbian snakes
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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