And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
