i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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