Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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