They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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