DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
