I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
