I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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