Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
We were destined to go to rehab together
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
