i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
