I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
