she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
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