Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
