I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
