you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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