that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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