did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Randomize
