Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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