I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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