this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Randomize
