I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
