so that wasnt chicken after all
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
